Chara Eats 700 Glamburgers
by SHSL Moron
Summary: A tale of espionage and spoilers, probably. I don't know, summaries are hard.
1. Chapter 1

One day, Chara got hungry. Not hungry for destruction - that was a constant thing that she had no real chance to fully satisfy. No, Chara was hungry for food. So the little lunatic decided to go to MTT-Brand uh... Burgerpants' place to literally buy and eat seven hundred glamburgers. Along the way to the shop, kicking up the dust of earlier kills that happened to have spread across the ground over time, Chara had to really dig deep into her brain and try to figure out why she wanted Glamburgers - seven hundred of them, even. It probably had something to do with the ridiculously large Mettaton screaming EAT AT MTT-BRAND BURGER EMPORIUUUUM from the top of the underground. It was a new development that came to be long after Chara emptied the underground of pretty much everyone that wasn't Burgerpants or Sans - the latter mostly because she got tired of running into him and getting fucking dunked on.

Why it was there was another story entirely, and one Chara did not care in the slightest to figure out. Indeed, she needed to satisfy her deep, gnawing hunger for Glamburgers, and that was what led her to enter the burger shop.

... Right now.

... Riiiight now.

... Well this was a problem. Chara pushed and pushed on the doors of the shop, but no matter how much force she put into it, they just refused to open. Even punching and kicking the glass didn't do a thing - how baffling. Chara muttered in anger, reeling in her emotions before she went nuclear all on her own. She needed those seven hundred Glamburgers, damnit.

And so, Chara's quest to discover the cause of her being cut off from her snacks began. She decided it would be best to begin her quest around Alphys' lab. Since the whole Mettaton thing was going on, it might have given her some idea of what the hell that whole deal was. That being said, not even Chara was prepared for the sight that awaited her. What looked like thousands of miniature Mettatons, hanging around the lab and milling about, carrying large boxes in their grubby, mechanical hands. It would have been easy to rush in and destroy the lot of them, but this was really bizarre. Chara decided, for now, to watch from the shadows and stalk the group. Perhaps, with time, she could learn something.

Current Glamburger count: 0

A/N: i don't know  
i thought of this when it got really quiet  
i can't write anything serious


	2. trying too hard

Using a cardboard box as convenient but highly improbably cover, Chara was able to fool one of the Mettatons into picking her up and carting her along for their march. Ever onward into the quiet underground they travelled, talking among themselves about something Chara couldn't quite make out over their mechanical whirs. The most she could piece together were multiple mentions of the word 'darling', and some nonsense about legs. Stuff she could ignore, basically. Anyway, Chara tried to remain as quiet as possible once she realized the army of Mettatons came to a stop, her ears being filled with a strange, powerful and booming voice that commanded the group.

"You have done well, my army!" the voice bellowed, and almost immediately, the smell of ham filled the area. No one was sure why. Chara poked out of the box to get a look at who was speaking and it was absolutely stunning. There, commanding an army of Mettatons from a throne made of Glamburgers sat Bob, the aberrant Temmie. "For countless eons, I've bided my time, sitting there with my brethren and watching the world pass us by... but now that the underground has emptied and we have Burgerpants in our possession, we may rise up! On a kingdom of Glamburgers and Temmies, we will break free of the underground and besiege the surface!"

Suddenly, Chara kicked the box off of herself altogether and took down a number of Mettatons nearby, pointing her trusty, dusty knife across the rest of the crowd at Bob. "Not if I have anything to say about it." she stated firmly, almost heroically. "I mean, if I let you go screwing around with Burgerpants, how am I gonna eat 700 Glamburgers? Don't make the writer a liar, man." she paused before leaping across the room at Bob, the Temmie pulling some ridiculous anime teleportation out of the way of her knife. Undeterred, Chara gobbled up THE ENTIRE GLAMBURGER THRONE and belched, patting her stomach. "Fine then, you don't want to have a straight fight? We can do this song and dance all day!"

"You'll never stop me, human child!" Bob declared. The Mettatons converged around the Temmie and swallowed them up like a rolling wave, escaping their compromised base and leaving Chara there alone. Unfortunately for Bob, Chara was very, very determined. This was only the beginning of her fight against Bob's budding regime. Fight on Chara! Eat all the Glamburgers and save the day so you can go back to ruining it!

Current Glamburger Count: 57


	3. there's an actual plot but why

Chara made a very big fuss about stopping Bob's plan and reclaiming all of the Glamburgers, but when all was said and done, she had no idea how she was actually going to do that. The human child sat with her mind focused on the matter, legs dangling over the edge of one of Hotland's many natural bridges. What she estimated to be about a day had passed since the initial confrontation with Bob, and in that time she had yet to actually turn up any clues that might have led her to their location. For a Temmie, Bob sure was crafty. Even visiting the emptied out Temmie Village didn't give her anything new to work with, though she was left with a bizarre feeling of something being extremely off ever since she left the place.

The feeling... it was difficult to describe exactly what it was directed toward. At times Chara herself felt odd, then other times it seemed it was the world around her that was becoming strange. Something was changing in the Underground - that much she was certain of. What it was and what it meant for her, however, was yet to be made clear. Instead of dwelling on that for too long, Chara dug through her pockets in search of something she could eat in the meanwhile. For all the trouble they gave her when she decided to hijack their body, that Frisk sure did turn out to be a bit of a help later on. Or at least, their apparent kleptomania did. Everything from Bisicles to strange spider products... and torn up pieces of construction paper...? In any case, all of these things managed to somehow fit in those neat little pockets, and though it wasn't the Glamburger she desired, Chara ate one half of the Bisicle for now, putting the Unisicle it left behind away to have later.

The moment Chara stood up and backed away from the edge, that feeling from earlier came back at full force. something was extremely, extreeemely wrong, but what was it? Her heart rate began to pick up. What was this feeling? Why did she feel... afraid? As if to answer that question, the world went black for a few seconds, and the sweltering heat of Hotland was replaced with a numbing cold. When everything was clear once more, Chara found herself standing just outside of the door to the Ruins, her trusty knife and the items Frisk collected nowhere to be found.

"... A reset?" Chara mused under her breath. "No... if this were a reset, I'd be back dealing with that moron and the goat. What the hell is this?" she stopped in her musings to glance upward, tired red eyes blinking once or twice as if she was unsure of what she was looking at. In the distance stood a massive tower, visible from where she stood... though it was difficult to actually call it a tower, considering it was shaped like a fucking Temmie. "... Oh, Bob, what did you do?"

Stay determined, Chara! Find out what's happened and put a stop to it or something?

There are probably people interested?

Current Glamburger Count: 57 (?)


	4. definitely didn't forget

Last time on Chara Eats 700 Glamburgers, Chara learned the true meaning of Christmas and brought joy to all the residents of Snowdin, cleverly using three toothpicks and a bunch of cotton to become Santa Claus. Monster Kid was especially pleased when Char- what? What do you mean that isn't what was going on? Gimme the script.

... Oh. Well. Last time on blah blah blah, Chara almost managed to defeat Bob and their diabolical plans, only to be thwarted at the last moment and made victim of what appeared to be a reset. The only problem is that things aren't quite as they should be... Stay determined, Chara, figure out what's wrong with the world and solve the issue before it gets too out of hand!

"Who is that talking?" Chara muttered, digging in her ear with a pinky. She stood at the end of the long path to Snowdin, just to the side of the bush she remembered a camera being planted in - Alphys' work. What an annoying weeaboo, that monster. Shaking off thoughts of people she believed to be long gone, Chara began the trek down the pathway to figure out what was going on, hands planted in her pockets to fight off the cold just a bit. It was so quiet. So eerily quiet, until she passed over a fallen branch, only to hear it snap behind her. Instinct kicked in and she reached for a knife that was no longer there, whipping around to face the source of the noise.

Nothing was there. "... This is uncomfortably familiar. Did somebody seriously reset?" she grimaced. The small child continued along after confirming there was no one there, biding her time until she reached the bridge. As she thought, she could hear slow footfalls behind her once she made it, her mind flashing back to that damned skeleton. "Sans," she whispered.

"HooMaN !"

Oh no. Oh, no no no.

"DOnT U kNOW HoW TO GReeT A NEw PAl? !"

please no no no no NO

"TURN ARoUNd AnD ShaKe tEm HAND !"

Chara knew what she was going to see. She knew, and that was exactly why she did not want to turn around. In fact, she wanted to run as far as she possibly could and deny this world's very existence. She wanted to will it and herself into the abyss, never to be referenced or thought of again. But... that was a little impossible at the moment, so she turned... only to get a whoopee cushion slapped into her face. When it fell and cleared up er line of sight, she was faced with a skeletal Temmie in a blue hoodie - her worst fears were realized.

Sans was a Temmie. Shock, horror... both of these words could describe the feeling Chara was left with, facing the thing, but above all else, she was confused. Sure, minor differences were to be expected when a reset took place, but this was so, so over the line that she couldn't even put it into words. Watching what was supposed to be Sans stare at the whoopee cushion on the ground in confusion, well...

... It sapped her of determination.

Instead of getting answers, however, she was faced with yet more surprises as things diverged yet further from what she knew. She was suddenly pushed forward by the abomination, as he... they said, "TeM brOTHER IS COMiNG! YaYa u Shud hiDE! Ya !"

And then Chara was behind a conveniently shaped lamp.

She dreaded what undoubtedly had to come next.

"sANS"

Oh boy.

Current Glamburger Count: 57

Current lazy person forgot to update count: 1


	5. trash

A/N: So like, I do this shit for fun. It's silly, there's a little plot but the whole thing's supposed to be silly. That's why it's just a lil' unpleasant to get screamed down, thankfully in private, over the shenanigans taking place with Chara's written gender. Like... yeah, I got it wrong, but just tell me. Don't fly down my throat, holy piss. Anyway, uh... guess I'm writing Chara as they/them? So that's that.

There was something like a meter in Chara's brain that measured the level of 'okay' things were. Murder? Absolutely A-okay. Manipulative bullshit? 300% A-Okay. However, Papyrus as a Temmie was so far beyond the meter's ability to measure 'not okay' that the thing exploded, sending glass shards flying around the murderer's little brain and giving them one hell of a headache. Or maybe that was because of the shrill little monster's screaming at the Sans Temmie.

"yaYa, ssAns itz ben 3 hors! ur puzzls arnt clambriated!" Papyrus (?) complained, vibrating rather violently in place while Sans leveled a uh... well, Chara actually couldn't say it was an amused expression. If anything, Sans looked lost. It took a few moments, but Chara realized Sans had fallen asleep in the middle of Papyrus' tirade, leaving the orange-scarfed Temmie to vibrate yet harder in frustration.

"s ANS NO" Papyrus vibrated away to do whatever it was he was responsible for in this altered timeline - Chara couldn't even begin to guess. They left their hiding spot and stepped out past the sleeping Sans, only to be frozen in place by a feeling like an extremely intense glare burning at their backside. Unsurprisingly, when Chara turned back to look, Sans was nowhere to be found. Temmie or not, the guy was a problem. They decided to worry about that later, however, and turned their thoughts toward trying to figure out what to do next.

"There's a chance everything from here to Snowdin is all messed up, too..." Chara raised a hand to rub their chin, proceeding forth until they reached a box to sit on. "... What would that pansy, Frisk do? Probably hug every one of these annoying munchkins. What a loser."

It was then that Chara and the box they were sitting on were thrown up into the air by the paw of a massive Temmie statue shooting out of the ground. You know, average every day stuff. The statue rumbled to life and began spitting Glamburgers in every direction, while speakers attached to its back transmitted Bob's voice saying, "A busy Temmie is a happy Temmie! Remember your daily Glamburger quotas and stay determined!"

Chara considered this whole... thing while they devoured a disgusting number of Glamburgers. A little mental work gave them the conclusion that:

This timeline involved Bob, in some way, being at the top position of some massive Glamburger production involving the entire underground... which was now Temmies. Chara really, really needed that knife right about then.

Current Glamburger Count: 136


End file.
